Your twenties they say are your defining decade. Though it is a crucial decade where you are still growing and trying to find yourself, form your identity, form concrete relationships build a career etc. it isn’t the be all and end all if you do not figure life out in those years. Life is a journey and our paths are different and as time continues to pass, I have replayed so many events and conversations in my head. I have also thought about what i could have done differently in my twenties. Here are things i wish i knew and had done in my 20s.

1. It was ok to carve my path

Growing up in an African family, your path is pretty much carved for you. Your parents decided what they would like you to be, what religion you should follow, you are indoctrinated into a certain mindset and you have to put on all of these teachings, morals and values as a coat so as to not go against the culture and traditions. This made me a very timid child, a person who wanted to spread her wings but who couldn’t because of fear of what others might say about me or about my parents for allowing me to go wayward. For any person, that is a lot of weight to bear and I wish i had understood that it was ok to be me and be resilient about my choices because living a life where you are constantly trying to be the best child to your parents and society can really be draining emotionally, mentally and physically.

2. I wish I knew that somethings are worth quitting

Like I have mentioned, your twenties are defining moments. Sometimes it is ok to put yourself and your sanity first. If something is not working for you cut it off. If your job is not making you happy quit it with intention. I would not advice you to just quit your job without having a plan.You have to have a plan B. If the circle of people you are hanging out don’t motivate you to do better or are just parasites sucking and draining your energy put yourself first. I held on to so many things and people; partners, friends, jobs because I was scared of the after. I was scared to leave what I already knew even if it did not make me happy. Fresh starts are always scary but you are in your twenties and you have a lot ahead of you to hold yourself back. If it is not worth it leave it no matter how hard it is and trust that you will be okay.

3. I wish i knew to put myself out there more

In spite of the fact that i’m very introverted and reserved, I am able likeable. I am able to walk into any room and be noticed even when I try to hide or keep a low profile. I realised this later in life when i met a few of the people i was actually in a room, class, work etc with who did not know how to approach me because I was always closed off. I wish i had taken advantage of my likability to build strong networks. I found myself in a very small circle of friends and felt really conditioned to be in that group and to do everything together. That is not the way to go. There is no point in being around people who only look like you and think like you. It is actually dangerous as you shut all your possible connections away. Be open, create a network in these years because you will need it at a point. Take advantage of these years, open up your world. There is a proverb that says if you want to go fast go alone if you want to go farther go together. Those links you create allows you to pull many strings you wouldn’t have been able to do without those connections.

4. I wish i knew to be intentional about my self development and acquiring more knowledge.

I was great with reading about certain topics very briefly just to have a general knowledge about that topic but not to actually understand or assimilating what i was reading. I did not invest in getting a skill. In fact i did not even know what my skills were to capitalise on them. A couple of days ago i was looking at my bookshelf and realised i had invested in so many books. Books I bought because i wanted to learn, i wanted to acquire skills and i wanted to be informed about certain phenomenon but one way or the other those books just remain on the shelf. You have to be really intentional about your future and your growth. Read, learn, and do. Not only in this aspect but also with personal growth.

5. I wish my relationship with money wasn’t that toxic.

I wish my mentality about money was not so flawed and i wish i had seen money as something that could work for me and not something that was the ultimate price in my 20s. Yes, we work for money but i wish i had started to invest, ventured in different that that could have been my source of passive income, cut down on my spendings and have a plan for my finances. Financial literacy. I did not have that. I wish i had a different mentality about money but it is a complex situation because when you luck money all you want is how to get money to survive. You get the money which allows you take care of what you can and you save some towards the next month and it keeps going. But there is a way to actually double your money or do things that will bring you more money and i lacked that or i just did not know how despite having studied about finance in school. It’s difficult if you don’t have an example to follow but now things are different and information about money is more accessible.

Nothing is lost. Life still goes on. I am actively working hard to do these things I did not do in my 20s and I am happy to share that with you.

Let me know what you wished you knew in your 20s. What have you learned and what are you doing differently.